“Your facial expression is less than encouraging.” This was the phrase that one of my very first bosses shared with me when I was 22. It was delivered honestly and directly. I needed to hear it. I recall feeling discouraged because I did not know that this was a blind spot of mine. The blind spot is the point of the feedback. When a blind spot is revealed, it becomes an asset. I was able to become conscious of how I was presenting myself.
Great leaders build trust through feedback. Feedback is simply data to help us gain insight on how we are performing in our role. Feedback if delivered effectively is not an indictment on our value as individuals. When receiving feedback, you may wish to ignore it. You ignore feedback that tells you something about the person providing the feedback. It could be that your power, strength and skills are intimidating to them or they may be having a terrible day and they wish to impute their anxiety upon you. There is feedback that you receive and apply. I applied what my boss shared and I know it made a difference. There is feedback that you consider and reflect upon.
There are 3 ways to create a feedback conversation –
1.) Ask – How do you feel like that went? This gives the person a chance to reflect and think through what they did well and what they could change. Oftentimes, this is 95% of the feedback process. If the person is humble and aware, they will respond with a critique of their performance and move forward with changes. Once they share their reflection you could offer your insights by asking “May I share what I observed?”
2.) Situational Feedback – Leaders use this approach when someone demonstrates positive or negative behavior. For example: At the meeting yesterday, your presentation was succinct, clear and data driven. Keep it up! Note that this is positive feedback
3.) Relational Reconstruction – I often get asked to intervene when the leader is struggling to repair a broken relationship. I use two approaches – Continue Start and Stop and Unmet Needs / Expectations – “What do you need from me to improve the relationship?” & “What I want from you to build trust?”
The challenge with feedback is that you cannot script it out, but you can prepare. You prepare by understanding the context and which tool or approach you may use. You can ask, provide situational feedback or work on relational reconstruction.